What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 04:11
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why did i forgive my father ?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Comes on , in middle age.
I said to her
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
What nonsense did you hear today in India that made you laugh?
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I just cannot wake up early, even if I sleep on time. What should I do?
My family never makes their pension either.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He knew the spot.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
She was in good health!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Should Pete Rose's record as the all-time hits leader be recognized and celebrated?
All the time i was locked up.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why am I attracted to older men?
She married twice! .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Who are the archers in Genesis 49:23?
Ive learnt so much.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I have a bad reputation and need help. What should I do?
So whats the point in blame.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why do men first look at a woman's chest instead of their face?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I write beautiful poetry .
Are rich people harder workers than poor people as a whole?
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Would this be the day?
What are some cute stories with your crush?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I was scared of men, in general
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We were not on the streets..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I have no regrets .
Was to survive, this bastard.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
This is soul school!.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Im still living with it.
Put me off passion for life!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I think the readers, may guess!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I will be 64.
What did i know ?
I don,t even have a pension.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She wouldn,t have been !
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But, we were locked up after school.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Who then, do I blame.?
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
We all went to grammer schools
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I never cut or harmed myself..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was 9 years of age.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She loved him until the end.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was very sick at this time too.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i lived it daily.
I waited trembling.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But it wasn’t much.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
So, i spoilt her more .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My life is so biszare .
I was seconnd youngest,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I couldn’t, believe it.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She found it foreign!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
When she asked me how she looked .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
One cannot live in the past .
Especially a lifetime of it.
It was going to be , some day.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.